In Memory of My Sister-in-Law, Helen by David J. Lu

Delivered at Helen Lai’s Memorial Service on Nov.19th, 2011

I am Helen’s one-and- only, and therefore by default, her favorite brother-in-law.

Helen’s younger brother Raymond and I had something to do with Helen’s marriage to my brother John. You see Raymond and I were roommates at Taipei’s Higher School, located in today’s 師範大学（Normal University）.

Imagine that you were in Taiwan immediately after the end of the Second World War. A young man could not meet a young girl by asking her for a date. There had to be negotiations after negotiations between the two families, and someone had to introduce them properly. When they were finally allowed to meet, there would always be a chaperon. They could not talk to each other freely. That’s where the two roommates came in. Whatever Helen thought about John was told to Raymond, and it was communicated to John through me, and vice versa. So when the marriage finally took place, the two roommates felt they--not the match-makers or those who introduced them properly--were the ones that brought the two together.

The two teenagers claimed their rewards by moving into the home of the newly-weds. You see, it was conveniently located for the two to commute to the Taiwan National University. They could walk to their respective classrooms in five minutes. Room and board as well as other amenities provided by the courtesy of the newly-weds. It was not a bad set up. If it were today, Raymond and I would not have dared to ask for such favors, but well, it was 1946 and we were in Taiwan.

Looking back Raymond and I imposed a lot of work on Helen. But she was always gracious and never complained. If there is any word that I would pick to characterize Helen’s personality, the word “patience” immediately comes to mind. Patiently she waited on the Lord, and patiently she served all of God’s children. Patiently she listened to others’ needs, and patiently she sought ways to answer them. Longsuffering, devoted to her husband and family, Helen sought no rewards on this earth. Apostle Paul says that “Love is patient.” That is a true portrayal of Helen.

My wife Annabelle and I often wondered how Helen received her strength. An answer came in 1968 when I was on a Fulbright Fellowship in Tokyo. Helen’s mother was visiting Tokyo at that time. We were privileged to have her over for dinner one evening. Our four children, aged 5 through 12, never met Helen’s mother before, but as soon as she walked into our home, they felt as if their own grandmother was there. They knew she loved them and cared for them. It was a joyous and memorable occasion. In fact I even remember that’s night’s simple menu, meatloaf, baked potato, beans and coffee cake. Raymond and Percy, you had a most wonderful mother anyone could ever dream of having. She was a true Christian lady. Helen’s strength and kindness emanated from her.

Jenny and Christina, through your mother, you have inherited that same strength of character, kindness to people, and love of God. Margaret and Judy, through marriage, you are also her legatees. Peter and Richard, Robert and Andrew, while you share in these common virtues, if I do not name you expressly in the same breath, there is a reason for it. We, as men, must acknowledge and appreciate unique contributions of the women folks in our lives.

Martin Luther once said, “Next to the Gospels themselves, the greatest gift of God to a man is a believing wife.” Helen indeed was such a woman. By having Helen as his wife, John was doubly blessed. In their home there is a plaque that states: “Christ is the head of this house.” Indeed it was the house that was blessed by His presence, where praise songs were heard, and His words were spoken through the reading of His scriptures. Throughout three score and four years of their married life, God’s blessings were always with them.

At my age, we have all experienced deaths of our own parents. We accepted that as an inescapable part of life. However, when death occurs among the loved ones in our own generation, it takes on a different dimension. In our youths, we debated the meanings of “Time and Eternity.” It could either be philosophically or theologically inspired. With the parting of Helen, neither philosophy nor theology any more mattered. Her death was a reality but so was eternal life.

When we lift up our eyes unto the hills and beyond, we see the bright light. There is our Lord Jesus, opening his arms to welcome Helen as His “good and faithful servant.” That is a reality. What Helen’s death has done for us is to open the gates of heaven briefly to us to experience the love of God, and His Son’s redeeming grace to grant us eternal life.

When Helen and John were married, tradition demanded that I call her 阿嫂, meaning elder sister-in-law. However, I preferred to call her by the Japanese word 姉さん,meaning big sis, and never wavered. From day one, she was not an in-law, but a loving member of my own family. Helen! Big Sis, we love you and we miss you. But as we celebrate your life, we know you are in heaven in the warm embrace of our Lord.